Funny stuff
I didn't write this, but was forwarded it on an NSTA listserv. The original should be at http://dbhs.wvusd.k12.ca.us
The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by chemists
at
the NRC Research Centre. The element, tentatively named Administratium,
has
no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it
does
have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons and 111 assistant
vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles
are
held together in a nucleus by a force that involves the continuous exchange
of meson-like particles called memos. (A competing group in Russia has
named
these particles morons and claims priority of discovery.)
Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be
detected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes in contact with.
According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium caused
one
reaction to take over four days to complete, when it would normally occur
in
less than one second.
Administratium has a normal half life of approximately three years, at
which
time it does not actually decay, but instead, undergoes a reorganization
in
which assistant neutrons, vice neutrons and assistant vice neutrons exchange
places. Some studies have shown that the atomic weight actually increases
after each reorganization.
Research at other laboratories indicates that Administratium occurs
naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points
such
as government agencies, large corporations, universities and NRC and can
usually be found in the newest, best maintained buildings.
Scientists point out that Administratium is known to be toxic at any level
of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reactions where
it is
allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how
Administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results
to date are not promising.
